Marker Scars (TodoDeku)
by The Disposable Villain
Summary: It's normal to be scared of your partner. That's Midoriya Izumi's experience with her first boyfriend, anyway. It isn't until he comes out as Izuku and starts a new relationship that he realises that it's really not normal at all. [Trans Midoriya, Trans Uraraka, Trans Iida, Trans/Deaf Bakugou] [TodoDeku, ShinDeku, OchaDeku, OchaTsu, KiriBaku] [High School/College AU]
1. Her Second First Shift

**Heyo! For those of you who don't know me, I'm Elliot. I first wrote this as a 5k short story for my non-fiction class, but it spiralled so here we are. This is extremely biographical so lol sorry. Hope you enjoy. Izuku will be referred to as Izumi for the first few chapters before he comes out. Also some things changed - he met All Might in his second last year of middle school, he knew Camie and Mineta before UA and was friends with them since childhood, Todoroki went to a different school to UA, Bakugou's deaf, Izuku's autistic, and they go to a summer camp that trains potential heroes to use their quirks and helps them get into high school. So yeah, it's very canon divergent, oof sorry. Hope you enjoy anyway. This is my Easter fic for the year even though I'm not religious and it has nothing to do with Easter. Enjoy!**

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**CW:** Non-con groping, awkward kissing

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"What?" Hagakure pulled the eyeliner back.

Midoriya Izumi stared up at her from the bed. The mattress was bumpy and too thin for the steel blue frame it sat on.

She stood in front of Izumi, hunched over, one hand on her knees. She had done her makeup first – worn a wig, gloves, coloured contacts, a bright red lollipop, everything to make herself visible for that night. The eyeliner was still too close to Izumi's eyes for comfort. "You haven't shifted anyone yet?"

Izumi shifted on the bed and pursed her lips. The lipstick felt foreign on them even though it was a nude colour. "No…" It was a lie. She had - at the St. Patrick's day youth club disco. He had been looking for something Irish to shift, and Izumi had been the closest thing to it with the green hair.

He had bitten her cheek.

Ashido looked up from her phone. She was using a photo from Instagram as a base to style her hair off. It wasn't working all that well with the horns. "You're kidding. How do you know you're bi if you haven't done anything with anyone?"

Izumi frowned and ducked her head. She ran her feet along the carpet. It was blue, and reminded her of the carpet in her primary school. If she walked on it in her bare feet, it hurt her heels. "I just do." Her silver sandals glistened in the florescent light.

Hagakure hooked her finger under Izumi's chin to lift it up. "We're getting you a shift tonight," she decided. "If you want to."

"Uh, yeah, sure."

The eyeliner hovered an inch from Izumi's skin. "Do you actually want us to?" Hagakure asked. "I don't want to force you into it."

"It'll be good for her." Ashido grinned and pulled her hair free of the hair curler. It bounced down around her shoulders in little pink ringlets.

"Yeah, sure." Izumi grinned. Maybe it would be fun. Be a normal girl.

"Okay, close your eyes again."

Izumi closed her eyes. Then opened them and stared at the white ceiling, and then the white stone wall, and then the weird wooden wardrobe, as she was instructed.

Finally, Hagakure deemed Izumi ready and she disappeared into the bathroom to change into the dress. Izumi was careful about pulling off her pants without taking the sandals off and then stepped into the dress. It was borrowed from one of the other girls – Yaoyorozu – because Izumi hadn't brought any dresses with her. None that the girls liked, anyway.

It was a deep green colour and came off the shoulders. When she looked in the mirror, her hips were too big and round, and her stomach, and thighs, and cheeks- She pulled my hair loose of the ponytail she always wore it in and brushed it out. She split it to the right of her head like her mom had said looked nice.

When Izumi walked back into her dorm room, Ashido had finished her hair and Hagakure was just touching up her make-up. "Oh," Ashido said, "I like that you let your hair down."

Hagakure turned away from the mirror and smiled. "And you're not wearing a hat."

"Yeah." Izumi smiled. Her head felt bare without it. "Are you guys ready to go?"

"Sure."

They shuffled down to the quad together. The college quad was square and four doors led from the labyrinth of a dorm building into it. Only summer camp students were allowed in the quad while the term was happening – one session of three weeks every summer. It was Izumi's first session and last disco.

Everyone was outside - running around, chatting, sitting. "What was the disco theme again?" Izumi asked.

"Night from the movies." Ashido folded her arms for warmth. Her outfit was wild and loud, but didn't cover her arms in the slightest. Two people wearing wigs and Slytherin robes ran by, and a boy in a Gryffindor robe chased after them.

"So we're background characters?"

"No, we're from a new film." Hagakure smiled and nodded. "It's not out yet, but it's called_ Hagakure, Ashido, and Midoriya Go To The Movies._"

Ashido laughed, and Izumi forced out a breathy chuckle. Her own Gryffindor robes sat folded in her wardrobe with her Remus Lupin wand. She had begged her mom to let her bring them, just in case she had the chance to dress up. She hadn't worn them yet.

When they got to the cafeteria, it had been decorated, and black bags had been taped over the windows to block out the light. A red carpet led into the room, and a few groups were already dancing or chatting. Izumi did her best to relax into it but the dress hugged her in all the wrong ways and her hair kept falling into her face.

When she had finally managed to start dancing like a normal person, Hagakure grabbed Izumi's arm. "Hey," she called, "that's the guy you liked earlier, right?"

Izumi looked to where she was pointing. The boy was muscular with shaggy brown hair, warm brown eyes, and a permanent smile. He was banging his head to the generic pop song booming around the cafeteria. Izumi nodded.

Hagakure grinned and walked over to him. She tapped his shoulder and leaned in to say something to him. He frowned and leaned closer, and then looked up at Izumi.

Izumi looked away as though she didn't know what was going on, but her red face betrayed her. She kept dancing. Dance, dance, dance. Dance and maybe he wouldn't ask. The boy walked up to her and tapped her shoulder. He said something, but the music was too loud, so Izumi shook her head. Instead, the boy pointed towards the door. It would be quieter in the hall by the toilets.

Izumi nodded, and glanced at Hagakure and Ashido as the boy began to walk. Ashido gave her a thumbs up. Izumi smiled and followed the boy out to the hall. He turned and grinned at her with raised eyebrows. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Do you know what your friend said to me?"

Izumi clutched the sides of her dress and shook her head. It was probably the right colour for her - it matched her face at that moment.

"Okay." The boy nodded and rocked back on his heels. "I'm Shindou."

"Midoriya."

"Nice to meet you." He smiled. "What course are you doing?"

"Uh, Intro Hero Course with Aizawa."

"So you're a hero?"

"Trying to be."

"What's your quirk?"

Izumi shrugged. "I… uh, enhanced strength." She'd only had it for a month or so, but that was the name she and All Might had agreed on.

"Ah." Shindou rocked back again. "I'm doing Saving Citizens from Natural Disasters. My quirk is Vibrate."

"Oh." Izumi scratched the back of her head. "Is it interesting?"

"Yeah, I like it. It's useful to have expertise in different areas."

Izumi nodded slowly and looked down at her feet. She hid her left foot behind her right leg. She had an ingrown toenail when she was little, and it had never grown back right, so it looked grey and mutilated. She hated it.

Shindou leaned in. "Hey, want to do something crazy?"

Izumi looked up at him.

He grinned. "Wanna shift?"

"Um…" Izumi swallowed twice. Her mouth felt too wet. "Okay."

Shindou's smile grew and he stepped closer. He grabbed Izumi around the waist and leaned in with his mouth already open. Izumi closed her eyes and tried to just kiss him normally, but she felt his teeth on her lips and opened her mouth.

His tongue was heavy and uncomfortable in Izumi's mouth, and she did her best to remember what she was meant to do from the stories she had read. She held her breath and twirled her tongue around his and pulled away.

Her lips were wet, but she managed a sheepish smile when he grinned at her. "Want to go back in?"

"Yeah, okay."

He held Izumi's hand as he led her back through the door and then pulled her up close to the wall. He leaned in again and she put her hands on his shoulders as he kissed her. Calm. Calm. This was normal. Entirely normal.

His hands ran from Izumi's waist to her ass and she tensed. His left hand moved back up almost immediately and his right disappeared, and then there was a hand on Izumi's shoulder, pulling them apart.

"Get to the principal's office! Go!"

Midnight. The RA of Izumi's group. Her eyes were blazing as she yelled over the music at Shindou and he huffed before storming out of the cafeteria.

Midnight turned to Izumi and the rage died. "I'm so sorry, Izumi. I'm sure he was lovely, but I told him to move his hands and he flipped me off and-"

"It's fine," Izumi forced out. "It's fine." What? What the fuck was happening?

Midnight nodded and followed Shindou out of the cafeteria. Izumi didn't even realise I was shaking until she was back with Ashido and Hagakure.

"Are you okay?" Ashido touched Izumi's arm. "What happened?"

Izumi shook her head. "No, I just feel bad. I shouldn't have done that." She didn't know him. She didn't know anything about him other than his name and course.

Ashido and Hagakure brought Izumi outside and they sat on the wall and talked. By the time the disco was ending, Izumi had stopped shaking.

"I feel bad now," Ashido groaned. "Like we pushed you into it or something."

"You didn't." Izumi shook her head. "I just didn't know I'd feel like this." She sighed and leaned her head back against the wall.

At least he didn't bite her cheek.

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**Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review to let me know what you think and maybe follow if you liked this. I'll be updating this every day.**


	2. So You're Not Sure

**Heyo, so yeah this will be updated daily for one week. Hope you guys like it. This is the last chapter Shindou will properly be in, and other characters come in during the next chapter. Your faves will be here soon - I promise.**

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**CW: **Non-con/awkward kissing, dub con groping, grossness, slight manipulation, eating disorder

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Izumi was sitting on the grass at the fence of building four. She had managed to sign up for _Harry Potter_ Appreciation - she was one of the last to get it. Ashido and Hagakure had gotten in just behind her, along with three others – a brown haired girl, a boy with glasses, and an extremely aggressive blond person. But Hagakure and Ashido were gone looking for Ashido's room key. She had dropped it on the way back from class.

Then Izumi saw someone coming up to her out of the corner of her eye.

"Hey!"

She looked up. Shindou was leaning over the fence. She scrambled to her feet and grinned at him. "Hey."

"Sorry about last night." He shook his head. "The principal wanted to talk to me."

"No, it's fine." Izumi shrugged. "I get it." She didn't.

"What have you signed up for?"

"_Harry Potter_ Appreciation."

Shindou rolled his eyes. "Fuck. Yeah. Thirteen kept us in for a few minutes, so I didn't get here in time."

"Oh."

"But I got _Pokémon_ Appreciation."

"That's good."

He grinned and looked down his nose at Izumi. That was a hard feat, given she was an inch or two taller than him. "Want to ditch _Harry Potter_ and come with me?"

"Um…" Izumi hesitated. "I think Ashido and Hagakure want me to do this with them, and I'm already signed up."

"I'm sure they'll let you switch."

"I can't, I'm sorry. I promised Hagakure and Ashido."

"Okay, okay." Shindou sighed and shifted his weight from his left foot to his right.

It was at that moment that Hagakure and Ashido decided to return, both laughing about some inside joke. It wasn't that Izumi was jealous of them - no, that's a lie. She was absolutely jealous of them. But she couldn't blame either of them for excluding her.

"We were looking for you," Ashido said as they neared. "Come on - they're about to start the role call. Kiss your boyfriend goodbye."

Izumi froze. Boyfriend.

But she didn't get a chance to object. Shindou turned, grabbed the back of her head, and pulled her towards him. Izumi tried to pull back for an instant, but in the end, she just let him kiss her. It was hard and wet and lasted too long, but he pulled away and smiled at her. "I'll see you later."

Izumi nodded and watched as he left.

Immediately, Ashido and Hagakure started to laugh. "I was joking, Izumi. Gods, you really went for it," Ashido snorted. "You just kind of fell into him."

Izumi's laugh was weak, and she tugged her All Might snapback down on her forehead a bit. "Yeah, sorry."

The entire way to the classroom for_ Harry Potter_ Appreciation, Ashido and Hagakure made fun of how Izumi kissed her boyfriend like a zombie, and eventually, Izumi just joined in.

* * *

It was dark in the classroom. Izumi sat with Shindou's arm around her shoulders, his hand clasping her arm. On the whiteboard, _Grease _was being projected. Only twenty or so fluent English-speakers had signed up for _Grease_ Appreciation, and Izumi could see why.

She shook her head and turned to look at Shindou. "I don't get why people like this. The sound alone is annoying me."

"I know," Shindou sighed. "The songs aren't even any good."

Izumi didn't quite agree with that. _Grease Lightning_ was fun to listen to, especially at the discos. But she didn't object.

She jumped an instant later when she felt his fingers brush against her breast, but didn't say anything. They were circling - maybe he was just anxious and thought it was her arm. She shifted a little. "Did they really just hallucinate making an entire car? Is this what Westerners are really like?"

"Apparently." Shindou was grinning. "Sounds like they were all really high."

Izumi hummed. His fingers were circling wider now. He had to know. But they were in public. There were two RAs at the front of the room and they were surrounded by other students. Izumi shifted again, moving her shoulder. Shindou's fingers stopped for a moment. A moment.

Then he just kept going. She couldn't breathe. She sat there, staring at a corner of the screen and not able to see anything else, shoulders tense, hardly processing anything that was happening except that Shindou was touching her chest in public, and it felt _wrong_.

Finally, as the circle grew larger, past where her nipple was under the padded bra she had since she was thirteen, Shindou leaned closer to her. "Do you like this?"

"No." The answer was instant, but was followed by a slight hesitation. "Not… really. Sorry."

Shindou's hand stopped moving, but he didn't pull it away. "No? Are you sure?"

Izumi nodded. Her throat burned, like bile was rising. "Positive." Her throat still didn't settle when Shindou moved his hand back to her arm.

* * *

After camp, Izumi went back to the other side of Tokyo and Shindou went back to Osaka. It was her second last year in middle school, and Shindou's first in high school, so they communicated through emails for the most part because of school and Izumi's training, and maybe once every fortnight, Shindou would call her. Izumi never called him. In fact, she tried to forget about him unless someone in school started taking the piss out of her, or grinding up against her in assembly. Then she was always quick to remind them about her seventeen-year-old boyfriend in Osaka.

They backed off then, like having a boyfriend was more valid a reason to not do that than her being uncomfortable. Maybe they really saw it like that.

But that was normal anyway. It was normal to wince when she saw Shindou's name appear on her phone. It was normal to throw the poems he gave her for her birthday into the bin after she got home. It was normal for him to yank her in for a kiss in public, even when she'd said she didn't like it all that much.

And it was normal to want to work with her mom at the shop instead of going on a date with Shindou like planned.

It was October, and his first day back in Tokyo since the summer camp. She worked behind the counter for two hours before Shindou arrived.

When he arrived, she pretended not to see him until her mom noticed. "Izumi! Shindou's here!"

She waved without looking up until she had finished packing a final bag for a customer, and then she wandered over with her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. She had worn her lucky outfit - green shirt, black jeans, red shoes, All Might snapback. It was one of her favourites. Shindou's hair was longer than at camp, brushing his shoulders.

"Good to meet you," Inko was saying. She reached out a hand to shake Shindou's.

"You too, ma'am." Shindou shook it and smiled at Izumi as she walked over. "You ready to go? The movie's in half an hour."

"Sure." Izumi gave her mom a hug and followed Shindou out of the corner store.

They took one of the buses to a theatre near the hotel he was staying in and went into Theatre 3 for _Maze Runner_. He grabbed Izumi's hand and held it through the entire film, even though it was so sweaty that when she finally got her hand back, Izumi had to wipe it on her shirt, and it left a mark.

Back in his room at the three-bedroomed apartment after saying hi to his mom, he pulled Izumi onto his bed and kissed her. She closed her eyes, but that made the heavy tongue in her mouth worse, so she opened them. His were closed and weird to look at, so she watched the window out of the corner of her eye. It looked out over the rest of the street, but it was hard to see the store across the way, so she was able to pretend she was somewhere else. Not home. She didn't want him near her house.

But not in his hotel room, sitting on his bed, kissing him while his mom ordered dinner from room service.

And then, as Shindou pulled away, Izumi's chest hurt when he smiled at her. She wasn't being fair.

"Sorry, I can't breathe all that well." He grabbed a roll of toilet paper off his bedside table. It was brown, and tilted under the weight of the lamp on it. "I've got a cold."

"It's fine." Izumi shook her head and sat back a bit as Shindou blew his nose.

"Thanks." He grimaced as he pulled the tissue back and dropped it into the bin. "So yeah, I guess no kissing like that for a bit."

Izumi nodded and smiled. That wasn't so bad. They could just chat or-

"Can I touch your boobs instead?"

Izumi twitched, eyes wide. But Shindou didn't say anything. "Um…" She swallowed. It had been three months. Maybe she should say yes. She didn't like it, but Shindou did, and maybe it didn't feel as bad as she was remembering when he did it at the summer camp. "Yeah… sure, go on."

Izumi adjusted how she was sitting, feet firm on the floor and hands clasped in her lap. Shindou moved closer to her and placed his hand on her right breast. His entire hand. Izumi stiffened, and her smile became more of a grimace as she stared out the window. The cloud looked like a rabbit. Or maybe a frog.

She wasn't sure how long it was before he spoke. "You're lucky. Guys don't have anything like these."

Izumi just gave him a weak chuckle and looked at the floor.

"Oh, better give the other one some attention too."

Her shoulders hunched as his hand switched breasts and she clenched her teeth. It would be over soon. It would be over soon. Her throat burned, stomach churned. It would be over soon.

Finally, he pulled his hand away. "So what was the video you wanted to show me?"

"Oh yeah." Her chest felt too tight. She couldn't breathe. "Um… if you go onto YouTube-"

Shindou moved to the rolling chair at his desk and logged onto his account. Yo. That was his first name.

Shindou Yo.

"Okay, so just… search **Kids With Masks** and it should come up." A podcast Izumi had made with her new friends. It was the first result - a blue background with them all in black and white wearing masks. Camie with a demon mask, Mineta with an animated one that kept disappearing as they filmed, and Izumi with her face painted like a crappy animated banshee. Underneath them in comic sans read **Devil Theory**.

Shindou clicked on it, and the dull pain in Izumi's stomach only grew as Camie and Mineta stared out at her. Mineta was going by Shindou O'Weedowich because he claimed Shindou looked like a drug dealer, Izumi was going by Deku, and Camie was going by Guard. It felt a little easier with the masks, but then Mineta's mask disappeared, and he stared right at Izumi as he tried to fix it on screen.

They knew.

"Where's your bathroom?"

"Just outside by my sister's room."

Izumi nodded and took a step towards the door.

"This is really cool, but I wish we could make out more," Shindou told her as she walked. "I mean, if we had protection we'd be having sex right now, so I'm kind of disappointed we can't kiss more-"

Izumi froze. His words ran through one ear and out the other. Then she just hurried out to the hall and into the bathroom. She locked the door and sank onto the toilet seat, face in her hands.

If we had protection, we'd be having sex right now.

If we had protection.

Having sex right now.

She couldn't breathe. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, but she could still feel his hands on her chest, tongue in her mouth. Calm. Calm, it was normal.

But she didn't want to do that yet.

Maybe it was a joke? Maybe he was exaggerating?

No. Maybe. Yes. No. No.

Someone knocked on the door.

"One minute."

Izumi stood up, washed her hands and face, and walked back out into the hall. A girl with Shindou's nose and slightly longer hair was standing there. She smiled. "Izumi, right?"

She nodded.

"I'm Amaterasu. Yo's sister."

"Nice to meet you." Izumi grinned at her. Then the idea hit her. "Do you want to come watch YouTube videos with us?"

"Sure. Just let me-" Amaterasu pointed to the bathroom and Izumi nodded. She waited a moment until the door was closed and locked to go back to Shindou's room.

His cat had joined him on the chair, and he grinned up at Izumi as she entered the room. "Hey. Guess what?"

Izumi paused and frowned.

Shindou's grin only grew. "I'm surrounded by pussies."

Izumi's stomach dropped but she gave a weak chuckle and sat on the corner of the bed. When Amaterasu came in, Shindou grumbled and tried to get her to leave, but Izumi kept finding excuses for her to stay until he gave up.

Inko arrived at eight that night. Shindou pulled Izumi in for a kiss, despite his sister still being there, and then Izumi darted out of his room. She thanked Shindou's mom and ran downstairs. Inko was waiting in the car, and Izumi climbed into the back.

"Hi, honey." Inko turned to smile at her from the driver's seat. "How was it?"

Izumi started to cry. Not like her usual sobbing when she just needed to let things out. Angry and scared tears, silent, slipping down her cheeks. "Don't tell dad," she whispered. "Please don't tell dad." Inko and Hisashi were divorced, but there were still the monthly visitation rights.

"What is it?" The smile was gone.

"He- he- he said the only reason we weren't having sex was because we didn't have condoms and- and he- and he grabbed my chest and I didn't want him to but I-" But she said yes. Izumi squeezed her eyes shut. "Please don't tell dad."

* * *

Izumi's hands shook as she rang Shindou's number two days after he left Tokyo. She hadn't been able to deal with school for those days, and her body still crawled, so she stuck two fingers down her throat and hurled up her meals as though it would get rid of the feeling of him. It didn't.

He answered after two dial tones. _"Hello?"_

"Hey, Shindou. Look, I-"

_"Hey, Izumi. You won't believe what happened today-"_

"We need to break up." It came out rushed and stammered; a far cry from the dignified goodbye she had planned.

The line was silent for a moment. _"Why?"_

"It's just… It's not working out and-" Izumi shook her head. She was sitting in her mom's bed, looking out over the car park. A tiny dog with almost golden fur was wandering around outside, but she didn't rush to take a photo of it like she normally did. "I just can't do it."

_"So… You're not sure."_

"No, I am. We need to break up."

_"So you're not certain about breaking up."_

"No, Shindou, I am."

_"So… you're not sure."_

Izumi's grip on her phone tightened. "Goodbye, Shindou." She hung up and deleted his number. It came up seconds later, her phone buzzing, but she pressed the red button and turned her phone on silent. When Inko checked up on her twenty minutes later, she was curled up under the blankets, completely submerged, sobbing.

Izumi never saw that dog again after that day.

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**Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a review, and I'll see you tomorrow.**


	3. She's Gone, He's Gone

**Sup, hope you guys like this update. This is the last chapter Izuku is referred to as Izumi so that's a fun time, because you guys have no idea how hard it was for me to write Izumi. I had to keep going back and changing ku to mi every few minutes. Anyway, enjoy.**

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**CW: Coming out, unsafe binding, mentions of systemised transphobia (sterilisation), accidental outing, death, Shindou being gross, deadnaming, grief, general uncomfy questions about being trans.**

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Izumi met Bakugou, Iida, Uraraka, and Shinsou in her second year of the summer camp. All four were in her class – the Advanced Hero Course. It wasn't essential to get into UA, but it was damn near it. She had met Bakugou before, though she didn't notice until they began to hang out a bit more. He was in her high school – another class. Uraraka and Iida were both from different districts to her.

One day, she noticed Bakugou's binder when his shirt became a bit displaced after training. "What's that?"

Bakugou yanked his shirt back into place. "None of your fucking business, nerd."

Izumi was used to that. Of course she was – it was how Bakugou reacted to everyone, even at school. So instead, she asked Uraraka and Iida after class – at a sports activity. It was a mix of soccer and frisbee, and though they all could have used the agility training, they were too tired, so they sat on the grass and talked. Bakugou and Shinsou had gone to do something else.

"Bakugou had a weird undershirt on today when we were training. It just looked really tight – do you know what it is?"

They both started. Then Iida pulled the neck of his t-shirt out to reveal a similar one. "Was it like this?"

Izumi nodded. "Yeah, but it was black instead of white."

Uraraka shook her head. "Damn it, he's not meant to wear his binder when he's training."

"Binder?" Izumi tilted her head.

"Bakugou's trans," Uraraka replied. "So are we. You knew that, right?"

"I-" Izumi frowned for a moment.

"Shit, I didn't just out Bakugou, did I? Fuck, he's going to kill me," Uraraka moaned, hiding her face in her hands.

Then Izumi's frown cleared. That was the thing with Caitlyn Jenner. She'd seen it on the news the day the camp started and hadn't understood the problem with any of it. "Oh! So… wait, okay… You're a woman… who was born a man?"

Uraraka grimaced, and Iida swung his hand down like a knife. "Midoriya! That's not the correct way to deal with this!"

If she hadn't known him for a week, Izumi would have been scared, but that was just how Iida reacted to things. "Sorry. I… haven't come across many trans people before. Not that were out to me, at least."

Uraraka shook her head. "It's fine, Midoriya. It's just… okay, so being transgender isn't a choice. It's because of our brains. I have the same brain matter as a non-trans woman, and Iida and Bakugou have the same brain matter as a non-trans man. So my brain doesn't work with testosterone, and it causes a thing called gender dysphoria. Are you following so far?"

"I think so." Izumi nodded. "Actually hold on." She reached into her bag and pulled out her notebook, flicking to a blank page. She scribbled down what Uraraka had already said, and then looked up. "Okay, got it."

Uraraka smiled. Whether it was amusement or some kind of gratitude that Izumi was taking this seriously, Izumi didn't know. "Okay, so because of the brain thing, I was technically born a woman, and Bakugou and Iida were born men. But the doctor looked at us and decided I was a man and they were women. So it's called assigned male at birth or assigned female at birth because it was assigned to us. Do you understand?"

Izumi nodded, not looking up from her notebook. "Okay, yeah. So Uraraka, you're assigned male at birth, and Iida and Bakugou are assigned female at birth?"

Uraraka nodded. "Exactly."

"Is Shinsou-?"

"No, he's not trans."

"Okay." Izumi nodded. "When did you find out you were a girl?"

Uraraka chewed her lip. "I was twelve."

"What about you, Iida?"

"Last year."

Izumi faltered and looked up at him. "But you're nearly sixteen."

Iida nodded. "Yes. My parents were always very supportive of me following my interests, and I didn't realise that what I was feeling was gender dysphoria until I began to research it more."

Izumi nodded slowly. "So… you don't need to know since you were a child?"

"Gods no." Uraraka shook her head. "Most people don't. It's when we look back on things that we realise it might have been a sign. Like I hated going to the bathroom so much that I'd avoid it until I got home, and I'd never stand to go. I thought I just didn't like going in public."

Iida picked his glasses off his nose and examined them before cleaning them with a cloth he produced from his jeans. "I used to want to be in the Boys' Club in elementary school all the time," he said. "I thought it was because I wanted to be like my brother, but I've been thinking maybe not."

Izumi nodded again, a touch more slowly. "Okay. That makes sense." She added a few more notes. "So what's a binder?"

"A binder is used to bind chests," Iida replied, "to give the appearance of not having breasts. It's safer than bandages or tape, but you're not meant to wear it for more than eight hours or to exercise in it."

"Both of which Bakugou does." Uraraka rolled her eyes.

"Oh." Izumi hesitated and her eyes flickered to Uraraka. "So do you wear a padded bra?"

Uraraka nodded. "And breast forms. They're exactly what they sound like. They're just kind of… lumps of soft plastic that you use to make your chest bigger."

"Okay, so none of you have had top surgery?"

"Gods no." Uraraka shook her head. "I've only just been sterilised."

"Wait, _what_?" Izumi jerked up. "Sterilised?"

"Yeah. Trans people need to get sterilised in Japan before we can do anything. Even changing our gender marker." Uraraka shook her head. "A name is the only thing you can change."

"So you've done that?"

"Yup."

"Iida?"

"Not yet." Iida shook his head. "I will soon. I want to make sure Tenya is the right name first, and I need to get used to it more."

"So you weren't… automatically used to it."

"Of course not." Iida adjusted how he was sitting so that he was cross-legged and his hands were in his lap. "I went by my deadname for fourteen years. It takes a while to get used to that."

Izumi hummed and nodded, scribbling that bit of information down as well. "Okay. So neither of you have medically transitioned in any way yet?" They both shook their heads. "Okay. If it helps, I thought you were both non-trans." Her face wrinkled. "Is there a term for that?"

"It's cisgender." Uraraka grinned. "And thank you."

"So can you tell me more about the binding?"

Later, when Uraraka started yelling at Bakugou about wearing his binder during training, Izumi joined her.

* * *

"So, um…" Izumi fidgeted in her seat. Uraraka and Shinsou looked up from their phones, and Iida from his book. Bakugou didn't, but he had heard. His hearing aids were on – Izumi could see the switch flipped up from the seat behind him on the bus. "I… how did you guys know you were trans?"

Uraraka and Iida exchanged a look. Bakugou scoffed. "I told people to call me Katsuki and he, and it worked. Now stop asking dumb questions, nerd."

Uraraka hit Bakugou's shoulder. "I realised that cis people don't constantly want the other genitals, and I started trying to find a girl's name I liked," she replied. "But yeah, I pretty much did the same as Bakugou, only I asked them to call me Ochako and she so I could see if it was more comfortable, and it was."

Iida nodded in agreement. "Me too."

"Okay." Izumi took a slow breath. "Well, I… um…" Izumi swallowed. "I think I might be trans?"

Bakugou's eyes flickered up.

"Okay." Uraraka smiled. "Do you want us to call you he to see how it feels?"

"Please." Izumi hesitated. "And… could you maybe call me Izuku? Just… Just to try it?"

"Of course." Iida nodded. "Thank you for trusting us."

Shinsou hummed. "Izuku suits you better," he decided. He reached up and pulled off the beanie he always wore – the one with his badges on it. "Here. This is yours now. You can push your hair up into it and out the front to make it look short."

"I- Thank you."

Bakugou muttered something under his breath, but it sounded less like an insult than his mutterings usually did.

Uraraka just smiled at Izuku as he pulled his new beanie on, and he smiled back.

* * *

In their third year of the camp, Izuku was finally in high school. He, Uraraka, Iida, and Bakugou all ended up in the same class at UA, and they kept up the summer camp. Shinsou ended up in the general hero studies class, but he was working his way up to a transfer. Mineta was in their class too, but he didn't bother with the camp, and Izuku was glad of it. They had been growing apart more recently, ever since Izuku had come out to him.

"I can't call you anything other than Izumi," he'd said. "It hurts too much."

The camp was good training over the break, and their placement in the high school assured them a scholarship for the three weeks. Otherwise, Uraraka wouldn't have been able to go for a third year.

Shindou was there again. The last year, Izuku had avoided him entirely. Never spoken to him at all. That year, he did his best to do the same, but always seemed to be in the same places. Whenever Shindou walked by him, he'd always hold up his hand. "Hey, Izumi!"

It was nine months since he'd come out to his friends, and Izuku still couldn't correct him, so he just hesitantly raised his hand and the wave. Shinsou glared after Shindou as he left and muttered something about hating that their names were so close.

Then Camie's dad died.

Inko had called Izuku about it when he was in line to the canteen, waiting to get food. Uraraka and Shinsou had gone to get pizza, and Iida and Bakugou were going to be going back to class soon. They had picked a different course that year.

Izuku knew what it was before he even picked up. They had a set schedule for calling now that he was at the summer camp and moving into the dorms – morning before class, evening before activities, and night before bed.

"He's gone," he whispered as soon as he picked up. "Isn't he?"

"Yes." His mom sounded teary. "It was very peaceful. He went in his sleep, and his family was all there while it happened."

Izuku squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't cry. Not out here. Big boys don't cry. Big boys don't cry. He kicked the edge of a nearby bin and it fell over. "Shit!"

"Izuku-"

"I-I-I-" Izuku sniffed. "I'm gonna go find a way to get home. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Okay. I'll see you later."

Izuku hung up and buried his face in his hands. Shit. People were staring at him, but he couldn't even be bothered by that. He turned on his phone again and rang Bakugou. His was the first number to come up, and even with his insults and the fact that Izuku knew him for the same amount of time as Uraraka and Iida, Bakugou had been with him in elementary and middle school. He'd been the first person Bakugou told about going deaf, and Bakugou had been the first one Izuku told about being autistic.

"What the fuck do you want, Deku?" Bakugou snapped as he picked up. "Glasses and I are on our way back to class."

"Kacchan I-I-I-" Izuku choked back a sob. "I need- I- I need you-"

"Where are you?" His tone was instantly serious.

"The- The- At- At the c- the canteen-"

"Which entrance?"

"Front."

"Wait there."

The tone sounded and Izuku leaned against the wall. He looked up at the sky so he wouldn't have to look at anything else, head leaning against the wall. His hair was still long and caught on the brick wall. He had only come out to his mom and class.

Bakugou appeared around the corner a few moments later without Iida, and Izuku lunged to throw his arms around him. Bakugou caught him and held him tightly. "What's happened?"

Izuku shook his head, burying his face in Bakugou's shoulder.

"Is it your friend's dad?"

Izuku nodded and Bakugou held him tighter. "Come on, Izuku," he mumbled. "Let's go to the RA's office."

Izuku nodded but still clung to Bakugou's arm as he was led around the canteen to the side office. Inside, the RAs gave him tea and tissues, and one just sat with him and Bakugou and watched three _Pokémon_ episodes with them to calm Izuku down.

When Aizawa arrived, they stopped, and Bakugou went with him and Izuku into town to get a haircut and a suit, and then Aizawa brought him to Camie's house.

Camie hugged him once he arrived. He only had his suit, but it didn't matter. The cremation was the next day. His mom got to him next, and Inko stepped back afterwards to run a hand through Izuku's now-short hair. A shaky smile spread across her face. "It suits you," she murmured.

Izuku's eyes burned, and he hugged her again.

* * *

When he went back to the summer camp two days later, Uraraka and Iida were on him in an instant. Neither asked what had happened or if he was okay. They already knew. But they were both eager to help by distracting him. Shinsou too, though he tried to do it with video games and funny cat videos more than talking or activity. Bakugou just treated him like normal, which was probably the easiest. At least he knew how to deal with Bakugou's normalcy.

Class went on like normal. He, Shinsou and Uraraka were doing a Rescue course under Thirteen. They were a fantastic rescue hero, and though Uraraka was turning more towards becoming a hero to fight villains and Izuku didn't have a choice until All For One was defeated, it was still good to have a broad knowledge of hero skills.

Shindou was in a different course. Izuku didn't know what. But one evening, they were in the same activity, and Shindou did a double take when Izuku replied to the name _Midoriya Izuku_ on the role call. He had gotten his name changed on the school records once he got back. It was all he could really do yet, but the administration did their best to help him. He would go back to UA after the break as Izuku too.

Shindou didn't talk to him for the rest of the camp.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed. Please review and let me know what you think.**


	4. All He Remembers

**Heyo. So yeah this is the more unflattering side of things coming to the front. Hope this is done okay. Enjoy!**

* * *

**CW: **Non-con kissing, drunkenness, memory loss, mentions of sexual assault

* * *

Most of the UA classes went on to university for further training. Izuku, Bakugou, Shinsou, Uraraka, and Iida ended up in the same class again. Bakugou's long distance boyfriend showed up as well. Kirishima. He'd gotten into UA but hadn't had the money to move to Japan from Vietnam, so he'd gone to a local hero school in Ho Chi Minh and saved up to get to university in Japan. They were a class of twenty with various quirks, so it was hard to be exceptionally noteworthy, but somehow, Todoroki managed. It wasn't his father, or his quirk. Maybe it was his intense gaze, or his insistence of only using ice that lasted half the year.

But eventually, Midoriya went to his friends at lunch. He dropped onto a seat next to Uraraka. "I think I have a crush on Todoroki."

"No," Uraraka gasped. "Really?"

"We had no idea." Shinsou shook his head.

"Genuinely. Shocked." Kirishima grinned.

Bakugou just took a sip of water. "It was obvious, Deku. You're gay as shit."

Deku groaned and hit his forehead off the table.

* * *

Shortly after the beginning of first year, their class went out for a drink. A few couldn't make it – Todoroki had stuff with his father, and Monoma just never showed up anyway. It was just after Izuku finally managed to get his gender changed, and he beamed as the bouncer checked his passport.

Bakugou elbowed him. "Stop being such an idiot."

"Stop it." Uraraka grinned and took Izuku's elbow. "This is big."

Bakugou grunted and walked inside.

"You drinking tonight?" Shinsou asked as he joined them.

Izuku nodded. "Yeah." He hadn't taken his sertraline tablet specifically so that he could drink. It was his first night out as a legally recognised man, and he was going big.

"Nice!" Kirishima grinned at him. "Come on, let's go get some beer! It's the manliest drink, so it needs to be your first!"

"Hey, Kirishima – want to watch me chug a beer in six seconds?" Kaminari hopped up on the bar stools next to them.

"Fuck yes!"

It ended up being five seconds. Izuku timed it. Both he and Kirishima tried to beat Kaminari, but Kirishima only managed it in eight and it took Izuku thirteen. Jirou managed to chug a beer in three seconds with them recording, and it was one of the most terrifying things Izuku had seen.

By the time the first bar closed, Izuku was on two beers and a cider, and he was fine. Then Kaminari grabbed his arm. "Shit dude, they're doing jagerbombs for five hundred yen in there!" He pointed to a shitty bar above a vinyl store. Two neon signs displayed its name – _Coyotes._ One of the signs was broken, so it only read _yotes_.

Izuku grimaced. "No, I know someone who got spiked in there and the others are up ahead-"

"Oh come on!" Tetsutetsu threw an arm around Izuku's neck.

"I'm game if you guys are." Ashido grinned. She and Izuku had reconnected in UA, and though they were never particularly close again, they hung out occasionally.

Tetsutetsu cheered and ran inside.

"Guys, no!" Izuku protested, but the other two walked in anyway. Izuku glanced up the street, but the others were already gone, so he huffed and followed them in. Kaminari had already ordered four jagerbombs, and Izuku watched as they were all being made, just in case.

Tetsutetsu filmed them all downing it for Snapchat, and then they left. Izuku's head was starting to spin. When they caught up to their class at the next bar, Izuku ordered a mango daiquiri with Kirishima, who insisted that they were very manly, and sipped at it sitting next to Uraraka.

At some stage, Kirishima got exceptionally drunk and wandered over to them, and nearly started to cry when Uraraka called him 'the sun' because he was so bright and just _lit up their lives_. Izuku had his eyes closed for most of that. He lay his head on the table when Kirishima was gone. His daiquiri glass was empty. "I really want to kiss someone," he groaned. "Like… I just want to kiss someone." It would be so much easier. Just to forget the fact that Todoroki probably didn't like him in any way.

Uraraka laughed. "Oh, you're this kind of drunk. Don't worry, Deku. We'll find someone for you to kiss later."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks, Uraraka. You're the best." Izuku reached up and booped her nose, and then closed his eyes again. "I just really want to kiss someone."

"I know." Uraraka laughed and hugged him.

Izuku groaned and leaned back as someone came over to talk to Uraraka. He couldn't even tell who. He was just… so tired. He heard someone say something about a photo as he turned his head to kiss Uraraka's hand with a giggle. He liked kissing hands. Why wasn't kissing hands more socially acceptable? Why wasn't kissing friends socially acceptable? "You're amazing, you know that? I don't know where I'd be without you."

"I know I am."

He groaned and leaned his head back. "I really want to kiss someone."

"You can kiss me if you want."

"Really?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

Izuku grinned and leaned in, kissing her forehead. Then he moved down to kiss her cheeks. He laughed and kept kissing them. "Your skin is really soft."

Uraraka snorted. "Okay, no. I can't fall in love with anymore friends."

Izuku pulled back and put his head on the table.

In another version, after kissing her hand, Izuku leaned into her and kissed the side of her shoulder. "You're amazing, you know that?" He giggled. "I don't know where I'd be without you."

"I know I am." Her tone sounded a bit off.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, of course."

Izuku leaned up to kiss her cheek, but his eyes were still closed and whatever he kissed didn't feel soft enough to be her cheek, so he tried again. He was pretty sure he kissed her cheek that time. Then he dropped his head on the table. "I really want to kiss someone."

"You can kiss me if you want."

Izuku leaned in to kiss her, but Uraraka moved away with an odd laugh before he could. "Okay, no, I was joking. I can't fall in love with anymore friends."

Izuku pulled back and put his head on the table.

At the last bar they went to, Izuku sobered up a little. He could remember the first version of the two happening, and it made his stomach turn. He walked up to Uraraka at the bar. "Hey, I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable there."

"No, it was fine," Uraraka assured him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, totally."

"You're _sure_?"

"Yes. I'm sure, Midoriya."

They all got home after two that morning. None of them had gotten into student accommodation, and they hadn't wanted to deal with being trans and college administration, so Izuku had piled in with Bakugou, Uraraka, Iida, Kirishima, and Shinsou to rent a house near the college. Uraraka went to her room immediately after saying goodnight. Izuku followed her example, went into his room and locked the door. Then he rang his mom.

She picked up after a few dials. "Izuku?" She sounded groggy. "What's wrong?"

Izuku bit his lip. "I think I've screwed up," he whispered. "Badly."

* * *

The next day, Uraraka was downstairs on the couch watching the new _Sabrina_ series when Izuku eventually came down. She looked up when she saw him. "Finally awake?"

"Yeah." He'd been awake for hours. He'd called his mom the second he got home and cried on the phone, unsure if he'd made Uraraka uncomfortable. Then, once he woke up, he'd sat on his bed for over two and a half hours, debating whether or not he should go downstairs and talk to her. "Not going to class today?"

Uraraka shook her head. "My only one was cancelled. You?"

"Already missed it. It was at nine." Izuku dropped onto the couch beside Uraraka but stared up at the ceiling. "Look… I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable last night."

"It's fine." Uraraka paused. "I mean, it's not, but really. I'm fine."

"Are you?" Izuku turned his head to look at her. "All I remember is kissing your hand and cheek. Did I-?"

"Yeah, that's not all you kissed."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't- I-"

"Hey," Uraraka said gently, "it's okay. You didn't put me in the same position as that guy I told you about before, okay?" The one who kissed her even though she said no and put his hand on her thigh. "And you stopped."

"Did I stop when you wanted me to?"

Uraraka paused and Izuku winced.

"You stopped when I told you to," Uraraka said. "Deku, you were drunk. So was I. It's fine."

"But it's not."

Uraraka took a slow breath. "You're right." She shook her head. "But it happened, and we'll deal with it. Yeah?" She smiled at him.

After a minute, Izuku nodded. "Okay."

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed. Please review and let me know what you think, and I'll see you tomorrow.**


	5. Something Came Up

**Sup nerds. Happy Easter. Hope you have a chocolate filled day. I'm positing this while heaving breakfast instead of studying again lmao, but I did actually write out some notes yesterday which is more than I'd expected. So yeah. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

**CW: **Discussions of self harm (burning, cutting), eating disorder (bulimia), dysphoria, Endeavour, shitty therapist

* * *

Izuku eventually ended up texting Todoroki to ask if he wanted to hang out because he was too scared to ask him in person. Twice.

The second time was the day after Valentine's day. "Is it a date?" Izuku asked. "I don't know!"

Bakugou stole Izuku's phone and texted Todoroki on snapchat. **Hey, something came up on Friday. You want to do the thing Thursday instead?**

"Kacchan! You can't just do that!" Izuku took his phone back and stared at the text. Todoroki's bitmoji had already appeared. "Shit. Shit, fuck, shit-"

"I can and I did." Bakugou picked up his take-out container of Khao Pad Gai and began eating again. "It saved half an hour - at least - of pointless rambling." He peered over Izuku's shoulder as a text came in from Todoroki.

**Sounds good.**

Bakugou grinned at Izuku. "It's a date."

"But it might not be!"

"What might not be?" Uraraka asked as she walked into the sitting room with a bowl of popcorn in her arms.

"Deku's hanging out with Icy-Hot on Valentine's day."

"Oh yeah. That's a date."

"But it mightn't be!"

"It is," Kirishima said without looking up from his phone. "It's-" His face scrunched up. "Shit. I forgot the Japanese word. Katsuki, what's ngấm ngầm in Japanese?"

"How the fuck would I know?" Bakugou huffed. Kirishima let out a distressed groan and put his head against Bakugou's shoulder. "Think of another fucking word, dumbass."

"I can't!"

"Either way, it's a date." Uraraka climbed onto the couch. She had started oestrogen in their last year of high school, and her 'period' had started. She described it as all of the symptoms of a period, without the bleeding. She never really talked about it outside of their friend group. Even online, though she ran an activist account. Whenever she did, trolls just started to scream at her, so she stopped. "Now, should we start this film or wait 'til Iida gets back from collecting the pizza?"

* * *

They ended up going to a café down one of the back streets with fairy lights strung up on the roof. Izuku's eyes were itching, so he wore his glasses that night, and Todoroki smiled at him as he approached the table. "Hey."

"Hi." Izuku returned the smile and sat down. "Sorry I'm late."

"You're fine." Todoroki shook his head. "I ordered you a hot chocolate."

"Thanks." Izuku's smile grew.

They sat in the café drinking hot chocolate and just chatting for two and a half hours, until Todoroki's phone vibrated. He looked at it and scowled. "My dad's here to pick me up." Ever since he'd started to use fire, his father had insisted on him spending three nights a week with him to train.

"That's okay." Izuku shook his head, through his expression was one of concern. "I'll walk you out to the car."

"Thanks." Todoroki pocketed his phone. "He's just at the fire station." A five minute walk away.

Izuku nodded and they left the café. It was dark out, but not really. The street lamps were at full brightness, so the sky was a sick orange colour. The street was mostly full of pubs, but the occasional café or shop was full of Valentine's day decorations. It had gotten bigger since the westernisation of mass media exploded.

They walked in silence for a moment.

"I had a really good time," Todoroki said, keeping his gaze forward.

"Me too. Would you like to do this again?"

"Sure."

Izuku took a shaky breath. "So, um… would you… would you maybe like to make it a date next time?"

"Yeah." Todoroki replied on instinct, then did a double take and stumbled. "Wait… does this mean you like me?"

"I- y-yeah, if that's- I mean if you- yeah." Izuku nodded. His hands shook. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah!" Todoroki's voice had a lot more expression in it than most times. "I… I like you too."

Izuku stared at him, slowing to a halt. "Really?"

Todoroki nodded, a smile on his face.

Izuku's face lit up and he covered his face with his hands.

A shaky laugh escaped Todoroki's mouth as they began walking again. "I can't believe you like me."

"I can't believe _you_ like _me_."

"I'm really glad you asked," Todoroki admitted, "because I wouldn't have been able to."

"I nearly didn't." Izuku lowered his hands enough to peer at Todoroki over his fingers. "I was shaking since we left the café."

"Oh, I thought you were cold. That's why it got warmer – I was using my quirk."

"Oh!" Izuku laughed. "No, sorry."

Todoroki shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. It was long, down to his shoulders. He had an undercut and a shave on the left side of his head shaped like a heartbeat on a monitor. His father apparently hated it. "I wasn't sure if this was a date or not."

"I wanted it to be." Izuku's shoulders hunched. "My roommates said it was, but I wasn't sure. I really nearly didn't ask – I thought you were really intimidating at the start of the year, and I got really anxious about it."

"I thought you were intimidating too." Todoroki laughed. "I really wanted to talk to you because I saw all the badges on your beanie and bags, but you looked really scary at the time."

Izuku snapped his fingers. "Is that why you didn't talk to me when we were in the group together?" Todoroki nodded. "I thought it was because you didn't like me! You always seemed to be glaring at me."

"Oh shit." Todoroki shook his head. Some of his hair fell into his face. "No. I just have social anxiety, and I can't see out of this eye-" He pointed to his left eye. "-so I'm always squinting."

"Well I know that now." Izuku grinned at him. They turned a corner and slowed to a halt. The fire station was dark, except for the car parked alongside it with its headlights on. They slowed to a halt. "So, um…" Izuku tapped his foot on the pavement. "Does this mean we're dating?"

"If you want to."

"I do if you do."

Todoroki snorted and shook his head. "Then I guess we're dating." He looked over at the car. "I should probably go…"

Izuku nodded. "Can I kiss your cheek?" Todoroki had mentioned he hadn't had a first kiss, and Izuku didn't want to push it.

He saw Todoroki's eyes widen as he looked back to Izuku, but then Todoroki smiled. "Yeah." His voice was soft. Izuku leaned in and up, and Todoroki tilted his head. Izuku pressed his lips to Todoroki's cheek, paused, and then pulled back.

A goofy smile rested on Todoroki's face. "Um… I'd better go. I'll see you in class tomorrow."

"Yeah." A similar grin was on Izuku's face. "See you then."

Izuku watched until Todoroki was in the car and driving away. He was dating Todoroki Shouto. His face burned and he covered it with his hands, jumping on the spot.

Holy shit. He was _dating Todoroki Shouto._

* * *

"Are you doing okay?" Izuku asked once everyone was gone. Shouto had been quiet that day. Not noticeably, at least to the others who just seemed to think he was an antisocial person, but enough that it worried Izuku.

Shouto nodded and sipped his tea. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

He hesitated.

Izuku reached over and carefully placed his hand on Shouto's. He was cautious about touching him without asking – he didn't want to put anyone in a situation like he had been in again – but Shouto never seemed to mind. "We can talk about it if you want."

Shouto sighed and looked away. "You know they put me on sertraline?"

Izuku nodded. Shouto had been on it since his last year of high school.

"I was hoping to come off it this week because it's been making my quirk go a little haywire, but-" He shrugged.

Izuku squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry, Shouto."

"Don't be. It's my fault." He took a slow breath.

Izuku stayed silent. He needed this.

"I used to hurt myself. Not for long, but-" Shouto pursed his lips and covered his left bicep with his right hand. "I'd use my ice and burn my arm with it. Cold burns… are underestimated in terms of pain scale."

Izuku's chest tightened.

"So I'd do that and then go downstairs to put salt on it. Just to make it sting so I wouldn't do anything worse. It was only for a week maybe." Shouto shook his head. "But… You know I can't see with my left eye anymore. So I didn't see my father in the living room, and he saw the burns. He just… he started yelling at me and asking why I was doing this to him." Shouto snorted. "So I told him I was depressed and gay in the same evening. After the depressed part, the gay bit didn't sound so bad I guess."

Shouto fell silent, and Izuku rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb. "I know what you mean," he mumbled. "I… I was maybe fifteen and I started to cut. I just- I couldn't deal with it and-" He swallowed. "It stopped pretty quickly. I told my friends, including Mineta. He just got really mad at me and started to cut as though it was a punishment for me. So I told my mom and she went to his house to talk to him and his parents." He shrugged. "I never really did it deeply, so I was okay, but that's when I started going to therapy."

Shouto sighed and nodded. "My school recommended two. I liked the first one, but my father took me to the second just in case she was better. Once we got passed the introductions, she told me that I was just looking for attention because I hadn't gotten enough since my brother left."

Izuku hissed and tensed. "Are you serious?" Shouto nodded again. "What the fuck? That's awful."

"Yeah. I didn't go back to her." Shouto gave a bitter smile.

Izuku nodded. "No wonder. I got really lucky with mine. She was a sweetheart. I prefer my new one, but…" He shook his head.

Shouto nodded. "Yeah. I liked my one too. I stopped needing to go before Christmas." He took a slow breath, and it fogged. "So I guess I just thought I'd be okay to come off the sertraline, but they want me to stay on them until the midterms are over so I don't drop just before exams. It makes sense, but…" He shrugged. "I don't know."

"No, that makes sense. You're feeling better and you were hoping they'd recognise that."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Yeah." Izuku took a slow breath. "I… Yeah. Just after the UA entrance exams, I… I started starving myself. It was a good way to hurt without cutting again. My mom thought I had a really bad flu, so she tried to help but she didn't know how. And then when I got back to school, everyone was complimenting me on how much thinner I looked even though I'd worked for a few days to try and put on weight again. So I know what you mean." He shook his head. "I guess my dysphoria was bad now that I think about it. I didn't know what it was, but... But I hated my hips and cheeks and thighs and I wanted them smaller, but... but when you starve yourself, then binge eat, and then throw up, your cheeks bloat and I didn't think I was getting any thinner so I kept going."

Shouto moved his hand so that he was holding Izuku's as well. "I hurt my eye on purpose when my mom burned me." He shook his head. "I wasn't meant to get it wet, but I didn't understand why and I thought I deserved it, so I'd put my head underwater in the bath." He shrugged. "Turns out it didn't have any bearing on my eye going blind, but it couldn't have helped."

Izuku sighed and brought Shouto's hand up to his mouth to kiss it. "Gods, we're fucked up," he breathed. "I feel bad because everything that happened to you was-"

"It was different." Shouto shook his head. "Pain isn't a contest. You taught me that."

Izuku chuckled. "I thought I told you not to use my life lessons against me."

"I won't have to when you start taking your own advice." Shouto grinned at him. He shifted his chair closer and rested his head on Izuku's shoulder.

Izuku sighed and wrapped his arms around Shouto. "I don't know how I'm lucky enough to be your boyfriend."

Shouto peered up at him through his fringe. "You have it the wrong way around, babe. I'm the lucky one."

Izuku snorted and leaned down to brush his nose against Shouto's. "Or maybe we're both lucky."

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**Hope you enjoyed. Please review and see you tomorrow.**


	6. Oh

**Whaddup yo, my exam is the day after tomorrow and I'm still doing this instead of studying lmao. Hope you enjoy. This chapter is pretty heavy but the one after is a bit lighter to finish it up.**

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**CW: **Discussions of sexual assault, debate over what defines sexual assault/harassment

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The next day, Izuku had a panic attack in one of his classes, and Uraraka pulled him aside afterwards. "Do you need to talk?"

He did. So badly. "Yes."

They walked through the empty hallways in the science building and Izuku spilled everything out about Shindou. The kissing, the groping, the thing he'd said. "And it's killing me," he finished, "because I put you in a similar situation and I can't even remember what I did!"

Uraraka shook her head. "Deku, you didn't do what he did. You _stopped-_"

"But you felt the same, right?" Izuku looked up at her. "You felt the same. Trapped and scared and-" He was shaking. "I'm meant to be a hero. How can I be when-?"

Uraraka grabbed Izuku by the shoulders. "Okay. That's it. You're not like Shindou, got it? I was there with you those two years. I knew him before. Something was always… fuck-y with him. You never intended to make me uncomfortable."

Izuku met her gaze. "Please," he whispered. "Please, just… tell me what happened."

Her grip slackened a touch. "You really don't remember? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Izuku shook his head. "I told you the day after." His memory was fucked, but he could remember that part. "I said I didn't remember kissing anything but your hand and cheek."

Uraraka took a slow breath and leaned her head back. "Okay," she muttered. "Okay." Then she recounted another version of the night. The second one. "You were just kind of… complaining about not having someone to kiss, so we agreed to find you someone later. And then you just kissed my hand in a photo, and I know I wore a long-sleeved shirt, but I could feel your lips on my arm, so you had pushed up the sleeve. And then you just kind of hugged me and you were kissing my shoulder and neck and cheek, and you said you wanted to kiss someone again, so I said you could kiss me as a joke, and you leaned in, but I said I was joking so you didn't kiss me and you just kind of lay on the table for a bit." The only reason Izuku managed to stop himself crying was because of his own anger.

He didn't deserve to cry. He was just as bad as Shindou.

"You were drunk, and you don't pick up on signals a lot anyway," Uraraka told him. "You stopped when I voiced even the slightest discomfort."

"I shouldn't have started."

"Yes, but-" She shook her head. "Izuku, I'm always going to remember you put me in that position. I was a bit mad because I thought you just brushed it off-"

"Whenever I brought it up, you insisted it was fine."

Uraraka snorted and shook her head. "We're two halves of a whole disaster," she muttered under her breath. She leaned in and pressed her forehead to Izuku's. "Listen to me. You had no intention to do anything without my consent. It was miscommunication, okay? I said yes and I thought you knew I was joking."

Izuku said yes and there was no form of joking.

Izuku shook his head. "I'm sorry."

Uraraka just sighed and hugged him. "Me too."

* * *

It started coming up even more towards the end of February, and Izuku couldn't figure out why he was still obsessing over something that had happened four years before.

One night, on their way home from a film that the others hadn't made it to, he asked Bakugou, "Can I talk to you about something?"

Bakugou grunted. "You're going to anyway, so whatever. Here or quiet place?"

"Quiet place," Izuku mumbled. They walked in silence until they found an abandoned playground. Well it wasn't abandoned as in unused, but it was empty, because it was nearly one in the morning. They both sat on the swings.

Izuku toyed with his jacket, pulling at a loose thread. "So, um… You remember how I told you about Shindou a few years ago?"

Bakugou's shoulders seemed to stiffen, and he nodded. His general scowl was gone, replaced by a deep frown, mouth set in a tight line. Izuku had brought it up in his second year of the summer camp, the year he'd met Bakugou.

"So… I don't really know why, but I've been thinking about it more recently and I… I can't stop."

Bakugou nodded.

Izuku let out a shaky breath. "I don't remember how much I told you."

"Just about the weird sex thing he said."

"Right." Izuku nodded and stared down at the ground. It was black and scratchy, red lines and blue circles were dotted randomly across it. He hated it. "Right." Izuku took a slow breath. "So, uh… He… I guess it could just be because it's a new relationship and I haven't dated anyone since him until now."

Bakugou grunted.

"And he… I feel bad." Izuku laughed and dragged a hand through his hair. He'd used too much hairspray that morning, so it felt a touch too plastic. "It feels like I'm making a big deal out of nothing."

Bakugou pursed his lips and reached over to shove Izuku's knee. "No. Tell me."

"He used to make me kiss him." It tumbled out of Izuku's mouth before he could stop it. "He'd grab the back of my head and like… drag me towards him, even if I didn't want to. And at the disco when we… when we shifted the first time, he grabbed my ass and- I didn't even know we were dating. He just kind of assumed it the next day, and I was too scared to correct him and- and then he like… grabbed my chest at one of the appreciations, and then at his house he was just…" Izuku grimaced. "Touching it for literally ten minutes while I sat there like a fucking _statue_ and I let him - like he asked, and I said yes but I hated every second of it, and then he said the thing, and he just kept making sexual comments when his sister was there and… And I don't know. And then the stuff with Uraraka happened and- I don't know." Izuku let out a rush of air he'd been holding in as he talked. He was shaking.

Bakugou was frowning a specific frown now. Izuku hadn't seen that frown in a while. "Does your mom know?"

Izuku nodded. Then shook his head. Then shrugged. "Sort of. I told her but... not all of it. I told her about the… about the thing Shindou said, but that was it." Izuku shook his head again. "I don't know. I guess it just felt like I was overreacting about the whole thing. I mean, I said yes, so it's not like it was that bad-" Izuku paused when he saw the look on Bakugou's face. "Right?"

"Who told you that? That it wasn't that bad because you said yes?"

"Mineta."

It was almost like watching all five stages of grief appear on Bakugou' face in a matter of seconds, and then seeing him revert from acceptance back to anger. Izuku had cut Mineta off entirely after he had stolen Inko's phone the day before a chemo appointment, but that had only happened a few months earlier. He was only beginning to realise he should have cut Mineta off long before that. When he'd refused to call him Izuku. When he'd told Izuku how good he looked at fourteen after he'd starved himself for three weeks. When he started cutting out of anger because Izuku was cutting. When he stopped being friends with Izuku because he sharpened Mineta's pencil in kindergarten. When he insisted that no one would care about Izuku like he did because everyone in the school hated him.

When he first came up to Izuku and said, "Hi! I'm Mineta."

"Okay." Bakugou sighed and his scary frown dropped to his usual expression, but it was forced. "First off, the shit that happened with Uraraka is separate. I love cheeks – and if you tell her I said that, I will kill you – but she loves drama, and her story has changed. You fucked up, but that doesn't make you a sexual assaulter, got it? You were drunk. When you're drunk, kissing is weird. It's like this... in between. And round face knows by now that you don't get nuances and jokes like that when you're sober, let alone when you're three pints, a jagerbomb, and a cocktail into a night out. You apologised, and you're not going to do it again. Besides, with everything going on, she could have easily been okay with it and then changed her mind afterwards. You don't know."

"She wouldn't do that-"

"You don't know," Bakugou repeated. "I do know that consent is your fucking thing though, right? You didn't set out with any intention to kiss her when she didn't want you to, and you didn't keep going when she told you to stop."

Izuku took a shaky breath and looked up at the sky. It was usually black with a low orange glow, but that night, out as far as they were from city centre, Izuku could see a few stars. "Kacchan," he whispered, "I... If it was anyone else... If it was two people you didn't know, or-" Izuku clenched his teeth. "Would you count what I did as sexual assault?"

"No." Bakugou's answer was instant. "Why? Is she trying to say it is?"

"No. No, I just-" Izuku let out the shuddering breath he'd been holding. "I don't know."

"Sexual assault is when you keep going forcibly. Got it? Like if you kissed her when she said no and kept going, or if you pushed her up against a fucking wall to kiss her."

"But the- the neck and-"

"Yeah, I know. She told me about it before you did." Bakugou pushed himself so he swung a few times on the swing. "It's not sexual assault, Deku. It's not even sexual harassment. It's miscommunication between two drunk dumbass teenagers. And that isn't even in the same god damn ballpark as what Shindou did to you. What he did... It is that bad."

Izuku shrugged, shoulders hunching. The shoulders of the jacket bunched at his neck. "I guess…"

"No, it is, Deku. And it's fucking normal that this is coming up now. You're in a new relationship, and you already talk like you're in love with Icy-Hot, but the situation is bringing up something traumatic that happened to you, and so did the stuff with Uraraka."

"I mean…" Izuku picked at the carpet. "It wasn't that traumatic. Not really."

Bakugou slowed to a halt, digging his heels into the ground to stop the swing. "Izuku."

Izuku looked up at Bakugou.

He was frowning again, meeting Izuku's gaze head on. His hands were clasped in his lap, and he leaned in a little closer to Izuku, chains of the swing creaking as he did so. "It'd be hard to prove in court and all that-"

"I don't want to do anything like that-"

"Okay, but listen to me." Bakugou reached forward and put his hand on Izuku's. "From what you've told me, even if you technically said yes… what he did was sexual assault."

Izuku's breath choked him.

Oh.

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**Hope you enjoyed. Please review and see you tomorrow.**


	7. Can I Kiss You

**Heyo, here's the last chapter. Hope you've enjoyed the story, and thanks for sticking with it til the end. Again, doing this instead of studying cause I'm a dumbass, but oh well. My exam's tomorrow so that should be fun. I hope to see you guys again soon.**

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**CW: **Discussion of Shindou/sexual assault, mentions of self-harm

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Every Monday through Thursday, Izuku would walk Shouto back to his student accommodation apartment before going home. It was only two minutes out of his way, and he liked spending more time with him. That day though, his stomach was churning.

Shoutou knew something was up. He had to. Izuku had been shaking for three days. But he hadn't pushed him to talk about it. They walked out of the canteen laughing, and he mentioned something about not wanting to go home the next day. He hated being near his father.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Izuku offered.

Shouto met his gaze with his one good eye. His expression was soft. "Do you?"

Izuku paused and looked down. "I…" His teeth furrowed into his lip.

"It's okay if you don't. I'm just worried about you. I don't want you bottling things up."

"I know," Izuku whispered. They walked through the automatic doors and out onto the campus. It was still bright out, but not many people were there. Most left at five. Izuku looked up at the sky and took a shaky breath. "I… You know the ex I told you about?"

Shouto nodded. Izuku had mentioned him once – just the creepy thing he'd said about the sex. "Yeah."

"So, um…" Izuku shook his head. "Nothing- nothing new's happened, but I guess I've just been thinking about it because this is my first relationship since then so it's bringing up memories, even though you're nothing like him and this is nothing even remotely similar to how I felt around him but-" He was rambling. He took another breath. "I was talking about it to process it to my roommates and… and I…" He closed his eyes. "I kind of just processed that he sexually assaulted me."

Shouto's head snapped towards him and Izuku kept his eyes on the ground.

"He… I technically said yes, but…"

Shouto shook his head. Izuku's hands were in his pockets, but Shouto slipped his hand into the pocket of Izuku's jacket to hold his hand. It was his right one – it was cold and exactly what Izuku needed to breathe. "No. No, don't do that to yourself."

"I'm not but-" Izuku squeezed Shouto's hand. "Basically… I met him at a summer camp, and my friends wanted me to shift someone at the disco because I hadn't really before, so I just kind of went with him because he looked nice enough and reminded me of an old crush. So we shifted and then- and then he kind of pulled me back in and he- he grabbed my ass." He swallowed. "And he just assumed we were dating. I was too scared to say no and I didn't really see the point. And then one night he just started touching my chest and I couldn't breathe. He stopped when I said I didn't like it, but I didn't- fuck, I didn't even know his first name."

He had to stop walking. They were under the building now – on the path by the road deliveries came up. No one was there.

"And then-" Izuku took a slow breath. "And then we went on a date when he came up to Tokyo, and later at his apartment, he asked if he could touch my chest and- and I said yes, but I was sitting there like a _statue_ for ten minutes. His mom and sister were there. And I couldn't-" Izuku squeezed his eyes shut again and took a slow breath. In for five, out for seven. "I broke up with him two days later over the phone and he tried to convince me I didn't want to break up with him, but… yeah. And then he tried to talk to me the next year, and then the year after that, I came out and he avoided me. So I haven't seen him since and there's no way for him to do anything but… yeah."

Shouto shook his head and gently pulled Izuku into his arms. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, "that you had to go through that."

Izuku wrapped his arms around Shouto's waist, head resting on his shoulder. "It's not your fault," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. What he did was unacceptable. And even if you said yes, you were clearly uncomfortable. What age were you?"

"Fourteen." Izuku's eyes were burning. "Fifteen when the chest thing happened. He was turning seventeen."

"He should have known to check in with you." Shouto squeezed him. "And even without the chest the second time, he assaulted you."

Izuku squeezed his eyes shut and clutched Shouto's jacket. "It feels so dumb," he whispered. "So many people went through so much worse, and I-" He sniffed and shook his head.

"You went through something traumatic too." Shouto kissed the top of Izuku's head and pulled back just enough to meet his gaze. "And that's okay. And I'm going to help you through this as best as I can, okay?"

Izuku swallowed and nodded. "Okay," he whispered. "Thank you."

* * *

Izuku squeezed Shouto's hand as they sat on the couch of the tattoo and piercing parlor, a book open in front of them on the table. "You're sure about this?"

Shouto nodded. "Definitely." He took a breath and looked at the design he'd drawn in pen on his wrist. Izuku followed his gaze. It was a semi-colon, with half a butterfly sprouting out from it. Shouto had confided that whenever he wanted to self harm, he'd started drawing butterflies on his wrists instead. He wanted it permanent. Izuku looked back at the eyebrow piercing he had selected, along with the tattoo of a small green rabbit curled up around a heart with the trans pride colours in it. Shinsou had drawn it for him after he came out.

"I'm..."

Shouto squeezed Izuku's hand as he trailed off and ran his thumb over the back of Izuku's wrist. "If you don't want to do it today, it's okay," he said gently.

"I do." Izuku shook his head. "I really do. I'm just... nervous." It was laughable, really. He was training to be a pro-hero. He was training to defeat All For One, who had been hurting the world for generations. He was training to be _the_ number one hero. And he was scared of some needles.

"It's okay." Shouto smiled at him. "I'm nervous too." He looked over the piercings. "Think my father would kill me if I got a lip ring?"

"You don't need to get a piercing just because I am."

"I want one."

Izuku snorted and shook his head. "If he tried, I'd kill _him_."

Shouto smiled and kissed Izuku's shoulder. "No killing him. I have those rights." He let out a slow breath. "Okay..."

Izuku looked down at his wrist. "I might get a semi-colon too," he mumbled. "The butterfly is your thing, but-" He shrugged. "-I don't want there to be more kids like me who thought you couldn't be a pro-hero if you had mental illness."

Shouto's smile grew and he squeezed Izuku's hand again. "Go for it."

Two hours later, they both emerged from the parlor. A silver ring pierced Shouto's lip, and his wrist was wrapped. Izuku's was too, like a matching bracelet, and two silver balls sat on either side of his eyebrow. His tattoo on his shoulder blade was also covered. They took care of their tattoos as instructed over the long weekend, and on Monday, they went into college with their tattoos bare. Izuku was still too self-conscious to wear a tank-top, but he took a photo of his rabbit tattoo, and even pulled his shirt and binder to the side for people to see it.

"Happy?" Shouto asked when they had a minute to breathe after everyone had seen their tattoos and piercings.

Izuku grinned and kissed Shouto's cheek. "Happier than I've been in years."

* * *

Things were still tense with Uraraka. Izuku didn't blame her for that, but he was trying not to blame himself more than he should. He hadn't drunk heavily since that night, and he didn't plan on doing it again. She'd also met a girl in their course called Tsu and they had just gone on their first date. She seemed a lot happier now that she and Izuku were actually talking about what happened, and Izuku was happier about it too.

Izuku had been dating Shouto for two months, and they went to a café on their fourth date, just to talk. He'd explained it briefly, and Shouto had hugged him again and told him not to be so hard on himself. It still felt like he wasn't being hard enough on himself.

After the café, Izuku walked Shouto to the train station. It was one of the days he had to go back to his father.

"Are you going to be okay tonight?"

"I'll be fine," Shouto assured him. His eyes flickered to the train approaching the platform. "I'd better go."

"Yeah."

Izuku hesitated, then kissed Shouto's cheek as Shouto kissed his.

"Alright, I'll see you Monday."

"Uh, wait…" Izuku kept a hold of Shouto's hand. "Can I, um… Can I kiss you?"

Shouto's eyes widened the same way they had when Izuku first asked if he could kiss his cheek, but he also smiled the same smile. "Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Izuku smiled and leaned up, and Shouto tilted his head. Shouto's piercing brushed his lip first, and then Izuku kissed him properly. The kiss lasted a second or two at most, but it left Izuku breathless and dazed, and he pulled back slowly, still smiling. A squeak that Izuku had never heard the like of coming from Shouto escaped his mouth, and his eyes were bright.

"I- I'd better go," Shouto said. "I had a great time today." He was grinning his goofy grin again – the one he only really used around Izuku.

"Me too." Izuku squeezed his hand, his cheeks hurting from smiling. "Text me when you get home."

Shouto nodded and climbed onto the train, and Izuku glanced back three times as he left the station, still smiling, his face red.

That felt right.

He took a slow breath as he reached his bus stop. His smile softened, and he looked up at the sky. Maybe what happened with Shindou didn't have to define him, even if it always stuck with him. Maybe Bakugou was right and there was a mid-ground between the two versions that happened at the bar. Maybe his counsellor was right that he should trust his own memory. Maybe Shouto wouldn't hate him. Maybe he'd actually stay with Izuku for a long time, and they'd be happy together. Maybe Uraraka didn't secretly hate him. Maybe all of this would turn out to be… permanent marker instead of scarring – something that would come off, even though it took time.

Maybe things were really going to be okay.

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**I really hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Please leave a review and I hope to see you soon.**


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